I should be happy….
Have you ever been in a place or time in your life where/when you should be happy? Like if there were a happiness measurement chart, your life would be checking all the boxes. Great husband, good kids, a career, a nice house, nice cars, family vacations, the whole 9 yards.
From the outside, or your social media feed, everything looks amazing. You’re smiling in all the pictures, your hair and make-up are on point, you're rocking the latest fashion and have a killer shoe collection, you’re visiting all the trendy places and taking awesome trips. It looks great. You should be happy, but you’re not and you can’t figure out why the eff you feel that way. Maybe you even feel guilty or ungrateful for not being “happy enough.”
This is the place I found myself not so long ago. By all accounts, life was good. Better than good. Probably envious to some. I had a great career that was on an upward trajectory, amazing friends, lived in a nice house, had a nice car. At 40, I was in the best shape of my life, had a son I adored, and a good-looking boyfriend, I was traveling to the most beautiful locations and living a life I never dreamed possible (especially post-divorce). But for some reason, I just didn’t feel quote-unquote Happy. I didn’t hate my life by any means, I just didn’t feel like I was enjoying it the way I should be. I felt like something was missing. I felt disappointed all the time and let down by everything. I felt lonely most of the time even when there were people around. Something just didn’t add up. My life was good. Slash that, my life was fucking amazing. I felt tremendously guilty for not being thankful enough. I felt ridiculous for the things I let disappoint me. I didn’t want to feel like that. I didn’t want to be ungrateful, unappreciative, or unhappy.... BUT.I. WAS.
What I couldn’t figure out is why. Why do I feel like this? What is wrong with me? I wanted to find peace, joy, and purpose, but instead, I found overwhelm, anxiety, lack of direction, loneliness, and sometimes hopelessness. But like many of you, I just kept pushing. I just kept trudging along each day through my “good life” because I had no right to be unhappy. There are so many people dealing with so many difficult situations. People who are sick, people who are struggling financially, people who don’t have amazing kids or a great relationship with their mom, people who are struggling with their fitness goals, people who don’t get to travel, people who don’t have a beautiful house, cars, cool clothes, and all that jazz. What right did I have to be boo-hooing about being unhappy when there were so many people with far less than I had?
So I kept on burying it(the unhappiness). I kept thinking "it" or I would get better. I thought maybe it was just the stress of so many changes taking place in my life. I was in the process of moving and making career changes. My son was about to graduate, and I was trying to build a business, promote my brand, and become a resident of another country. I attributed my lack of happiness to just having too much on my plate. I thought once my business took off and I could leave the job I had become miserable at, once my residency process was complete, once I sold my house in the US and got situated in my new life in the Caribbean, all would be good. How could I possibly not be happy then?????
And then… I found myself in the Caribbean, surrounded by my friends and family, and I still wasn’t fucking happy. And then it happened… a complete, level 10 meltdown on the beach in the Caribbean. There I stood surrounded by my mom, my son, my boyfriend, my amazing friends Ashley and Renee, Ashley’s husband and kids, and the rest of the people on the beach lucky enough to witness the complete breakdown I was having. I’m talking tears, snot, uncontrollable sobbing and just telling my friends and family I’m ready to give up. It made no sense, but I couldn’t control it. Not one of these people said, anything like “Your life is so great. Or you should be happy. Or look how lucky you are." No. my amazing tribe said "You’re going to be ok. We’re going to get you through this. I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Why didn’t you come to us sooner?" Like always, they were tried and true, supportive and strong when I needed them. After we wrapped up our vacation week, I soon returned to the US and straight to the doctor and counselor. It was clear I couldn’t just push through. It was obvious that my unhappiness had nothing to do with external things. My unhappiness was internal and there was (is) a lot of healing that needs to be done so that I can find the peace, joy, and contentment I so desire.
Maybe you aren’t standing on the beach hysterically crying, but maybe you are feeling hopeless, desperate, unhappy, or discontent even though your life looks great from the outside. Don’t try to fool yourself or other people with fake appearances and happy photos. If you are feeling this kind of deep seeded unhappiness despite your situation or location get the help that you need before you have a meltdown of epic proportions like I did
I want to share you with some practical tips to safeguard your mental and emotional health. Life can be a wild ride, and sometimes the internal struggles we face don’t align with the external picture we paint. Remember, it’s okay not to be okay—even when everything seems perfect on the surface.
**1. Lean on Faith and Spirituality
Connect with a Higher Power: Whether you believe in God, the universe, or a guiding force, lean on your faith during challenging times. Prayer, meditation, or simply surrendering your worries can provide immense solace.
2. Seek Professional Support
Counseling and Therapy: Seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Therapists and counselors offer valuable tools to navigate emotional storms. Don’t hesitate to reach out.
3. Rely on Your Support System
Friends and Family: They’re not just there for the good times. Share your struggles with loved ones—they’ll listen, empathize, and offer perspective. You’re not alone in this journey.
4. Prioritize Self-Care
Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed; what matters is how you respond.
Rest and Recharge: Burnout is real. Take breaks, get enough sleep, and nourish your body. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
5. Cut Toxic Ties
Evaluate Relationships: Toxic people drain our energy. Identify those who consistently bring negativity and consider distancing yourself. Surround yourself with those who uplift and inspire.
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say no. Protect your mental space by setting healthy boundaries.
6. Normalize Vulnerability
It’s Okay Not to Be Okay: We’re all human. Vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s courage. Share your struggles authentically; you’ll find others who resonate with your journey.
7. Embrace Imperfection
Release the Guilt: You’re allowed to feel discontent even when life appears perfect. Acknowledge those feelings without guilt. Perfection is an illusion; growth lies in imperfection.